a mind etched in perpetual september
Almost a week More than a week into October, and here I am, thinking it's still the previous month1. My guess for this attachment is that a part of me is still shaking my metaphorical fist at my past self for not getting the job, despite getting all the way to the training phase.
This meant two things simultaneously:
- I have more time (and energy) to work on a freelance project that I like, and
- I have more time (but less money) to go on another job hunt again
Blaming is never really the best course of action, least of all when it's directed at the self. So I'm trying not to do that by letting it go. It is what it is. The local job market sucks, the remote roles I'd like to try are only available in graveyard shifts, and I've yet to receive an update from the ones I already applied to.
my friend D shared this with me on the day i job hunted too much to the point of crying
However, there is another reason for my unhealthy attachment to September.
Approximately 5 years ago, past me was also unemployed. To think that I, 5 years later, would find myself in the same predicament2! It's almost like keeping my past self company in a convoluted yet comforting way. 2021 me didn't get a job until...oh. Oh no. Until 2022.
Well! However long it may take for me to get a job, I'll continue moving forward. Couldn't be here without my 2021 self pushing through at the time! And maybe, from this moment in 2026, that this past self gets to be the reason why I'll still be here 5, 10, even 20 years down the line. For now, that's enough for me to keep going.
Then, I can finally move on from September.